Prison In Your Mind

I am left without answers,

I wish that I knew what you were thinking as you walked that path.

Did I cross your mind when you took your last breath?

I hope that it was pretty the day that you died,

I hope that you felt like you were walking through a field of lilies.

They say that sometimes there is a peace and happiness when you make your decision,

I hope that was true for you.

I can’t imagine it any other way,

I have to believe it was done because you felt it was more beautiful for you to die than live,

Otherwise my soul can’t handle the thought of your pain.

I am haunted by the unknown,

So I will imagine the best thing possible and believe it is true.

We left behind have no idea what the answers are so we must not make sad answers up,

The truth of you leaving is sad enough.

The only thing to do is remember the beautiful things about you.

Remember you loved us and didn’t leave us but left your own sadness.

You didn’t want to escape what we made you feel but what you couldn’t escape from yourself,

Your own personal prison in your mind.

We need not feel guilt like we ended your time here,

Or feel guilt that we could have prevented it,

Rather know that when someone makes their decision it is their and theirs alone.

If we had our choice we would keep you here forever.

If I had my choice you would have been the happiest man alive,

I hope that was your last thought, that soon you would be happy and free.

Dragonfly Balloon

I lost someone today

It’s hard to believe it’s real.

I feel like maybe they have just gone away for a while?

And maybe they will come back soon.

They say that everyone has their own way to cope,

Maybe mine is grabbing hold of a dragonfly balloon.

I want to hold on tight to the string,

It will take me high above all of the sadness that everyone is feeling.

The balloon is full of the memories of the one I lost.

That’s what keeps the balloon afloat.

I see the sorrow below me,

But I feel better than most when I hold onto my balloon.

I offer other people a balloon of their own,

Some people take one, but most people don’t.

Maybe I can’t float up here forever,

But what if I could?

Maybe I will never have to feel the same type of sadness that some people feel.

I have been floating for a while, I still feel the loss of them,

 but it isn’t as bad when I’m holding my balloon.

My balloon has started to lower me back down,

It’s not because the memories are fading, but because I can now walk around like I used to without feeling too far down.

My dragonfly balloon will always be there, ready for me to grab hold of when I need to take flight for a while, but my flight away this time, was just enough to keep the memories with me here on earth.